Grits

I feel it is my duty to help introduce THE food product synonymous with the American South: grits. I have serious concerns that my grits are underappreciated and much misunderstood. I truly believe had I ever been able to participate in the Miss America pageant, my platform would have been encouraging an open dialogue about grits in order to promote world peace.

Let me first clear up some misconceptions. Grits are not the same as  polenta any more than chocolate is the same as  carob or hip-hob is an equal substitute for  ballet. Grits are not like porridge or oatmeal. Yes,  are all served hot and primarily for breakfast. Period. That is where the similarities end. One would never, for example, ever  mistake a bowl of grits for wallpaper paste, or call them gruel with that nasty raised lipped sneer often accompanying such vile words. One does not eat a grit. Grits are plural. In fact, I challenge you to eat one grit. Maybe you could top the day off by building a sand grain castle...

I am less picky about my grits than some. My mother thinks instant grits are frankly a disgrace. As she epitomises all that is right and good about the South, I do have to allow her to take umbrage at my use, or as she would characterise, my misuse of our beloved grits, but I happen to love them. I had been grits-less since my move over the pond, but thanks to global capitalism and Amazon.co.uk, I now have two full boxes of individual packets of deliciousness all for  just under the cost of a tank of petrol. There simply is not a good substitute for a bowl of warm buttery goodness on a cold dreary day.

I do also enjoy grits cooked properly by slowly simmering in a pot of salted water and half cream.  The grits are allowed to fully develop into  a blissful silken  perfection. Add in a few fistfuls of tangy sharp cheddar cheese and a bit of crushed garlic and you might just hear an angel choir  break forth with the Hallelujah Chorus.  My girls  are particular fans of this gooey cheesy garlicky version on holidays.

The largest pot of grits I ever prepared was for a summer high school marching band camp. The band boosters prepared the meals for an entire week for about 150 hungry kids. I had grits duty. The pot I used was so big, it took about 30 minutes just to bring the water to a boil. I had to use something not unlike a kayak paddle to stir my grits. I am most proud that not a single lump developed in that cavernous cauldron of gritty goodness, and the kids seemed to enjoy  them.

My mother is more of a grits aficionado. She is the grits equivalent to a sommelier. One special holiday meal she prepared fried quail with speckled grits and white gravy. I was a kid. I was a bit more than curious about these speckled wonder grits. If normal grits brought me the kind of joy reserved for opening Christmas presents, imagine the utter rhapsody SPECKLED grits would produce. Alas, I was still too young to fully appreciate such a spectacular repast; I was too horrified at what looked like fried baby birds staring up at me.  The grits were indeed speckled in that they had tiny darker bits floating amongst the plebeian regular grits, but they might as well have been gingham-checked. Those little bitty birds were distracting me from fully enjoying grits in their unrefined and speckled glory. Luckily, our great aunt took pity on my siblings and me, and offered to get us fast food instead. To this day, I cannot eat a bowl of speckled grits without thinking about those poor little birdies...

What are speckled grits? Speckled grits are simply whole grain grits versus the more common grits where the hull and germ are removed. Grits can be yellow or white, and it does not affect the taste. Some folks like their grits with red eye gravy on them, and others prefer them au naturale or with a most generous pat of butter and sprinkle of salt. However they are prepared, I love them. I hope you all are able to taste this most delicious delicacy at least once.

I will end with a portion of a bill introduced to the South Carolina State Assembly in my home planet some years ago to honour the humble grits.

And who says politicians don't do anything important....


Whereas, throughout its history, the South has relished its grits, making them a symbol of its diet, its customs, its humor, and its hospitality, and whereas, every community in the State of South Carolina used to be the site of a grits mill and every local economy in the State used to be dependent on its product; and whereas, grits has been a part of the life of every South Carolinian of whatever race, background, gender, and income; and whereas, grits could very well play a vital role in the future of not only this State, but also the world, if as Charleston's The Post and Courier proclaimed in 1952, "An inexpensive, simple, and thoroughly digestible food, [grits] should be made popular throughout the world. Given enough of it, the inhabitants of planet Earth would have nothing to fight about. A man full of [grits] is a man of peace.