Pay It Forward

Some years ago, I found myself in terrible predicament. I was seriously overdrawn at the bank. I am not now, nor have I ever been good at arithmetic, but  this error was particularly egregious. I discovered once you are hit with an overdraft charge, the negative balance starts ballooning until there seems to be no end in sight: one charge causes another overdraw, which causes another charge and on and on.  At the time I hardly had a large stash of spare change to rectify the situation. I was a single parent, and struggled just to provide the basics.

I drove to the bank to see if anything could be done.  Although the bank personnel were less than warm and fuzzy about my situation, they did agree to remove some of the charges. I was still left with a rather hefty amount to come up with. I was absolutely distraught. I returned to my car, and the magnitude of the situation overwhelmed me. Cries of frustration pretty quickly became great heaving sobs.  Tears of embarrassment and humiliation coursed down my face. I simply did not know what to do next.

After a few minutes, a familiar face appeared at my car window. She offered me a tissue and asked me to share what was causing me such profound sadness. I told my story in a garbled  rush of words and tears and shame. I was miserable. What happened next astounds me to this day. She reached into her purse and gave me the money I needed to bring my balance to positive, as well as some additional funds. I did not want to take it. My failure was complete. I explained how it might take a very long time to pay it back. I told her how it was all my fault, and that I should have to pay for my mistakes. She said the most powerful words to me.

"We have all made mistakes. You will make other mistakes. We are human. What is important is that we learn from our mistakes and move on. Pay it forward Jenni. I have no need for this money. It would be my joy for you to have this. All I ask is that you pay it forward."

I was stunned. After a few more attempts to return the money, I accepted it. She asked me not to tell anyone what had happened. Honestly, I was grateful. I didn't exactly want to share my painful humiliation with anyone else. She then said this: "One day you will look back on this day with pride instead of shame."

I left the bank a changed person. This kind, generous lady was not particularly charismatic. She was shy and extremely private. Yet she bestowed upon me great power that day.

I have paid it forward many times since our parking lot encounter. What I didn't know then, but understand very well now, is that in paying it forward I continue her generosity. She was the living example of the loaves and the fishes.  And forgiveness. And God's grace. And so much more.
She was correct. My shame and embarrassment are erased each and every time I find a way to pay it forward.

My guardian angel, mentor and friend, Janice Roberts, lost her battle with cancer yesterday. In her memory I ask that we all find ways to pay it forward.